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Time to get to work Dadda - I will
supervise.
Winter
Brenden loved Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh so much I
wanted to get him a big cuddly Eeyore for Christmas. I
also wanted to get Brenden gifts which would increase and
promote his natural skills. He loved to sketch and had
done so since a very early age. Amazingly, he held a
sketch pen or other writing tool correctly, this always
surprised me since I had never show him how...he was too
young. In his two short years he wore out many sketch
pads, he needed a new one. I wanted to get Brenden gifts
which would allow him to have fun fixing and building
things. So I decided to take a trip to Calgary to do
some Christmas shopping, for good prices and to save a
bit on taxes. I left on November 24, 2003.
In Calgary I found Brenden's Eeyore. The Eeyore I found
was as big as Brenden. I knew Brenden was going to love
cuddling up to this Eeyore while hugging Tigawac. I
found a cool new sketch pad, a Bob the Builder CD game.
He loved to watch Bob the Builder build things. I
purchased an awesome workbench with tools I knew Brenden
was going to have a blast using. There were a few other
things I bought for Brenden which I knew he would love.
One toy I was really looking forward to giving to
Brenden was a Lincoln wooden train set. I felt Brenden
would love putting the tracks and the train together and
playing with this toy. For me this train set was special
since my father, Kenneth Scott Bateman, was an engineer
for CNR and had passed away in a train wreck in 1978
when his train was washed into the Skeena River during a
devastating flood. Somehow for me it was providing a
connection between Brenden and his Grandfather. This
feeling sent me back to the days when I was a small boy
playing with my train set which my mom and dad had given
to me. The website I have written in memory of my father
is at,
www.trainwreckof78.ca/
I did all the Christmas shopping for the other children
and the trunk and back seat were filled with gifts. I
was driving home loaded with gifts on November 26, 2003
and so looking forward to Christmas. The snow was
falling as I drove Highway #1 through the Rocky
Mountains. I was so excited about the gifts which I had
got for the children but, Eeyore I thought of the most.
For some reason all the way home I thought of Eeyore and
how much I wanted to give Eeyore to Brenden when I got
home. I did not want to wait until Christmas. About half
way home I had a call from the lady looking after
Brenden to let me know that Brenden was not feeling
well. She had taken him to the doctor in Salmon Arm who
said he was fine and sent him home. Unfortunately, she
did not take Brenden to the doctors in Chase since they
knew Brenden very well and may have treated the
situation differently which may have saved his life.
However, this was not thought of at the time and no ill
intent was active. At the time I was not too worried, I
would be home soon to look after Brenden. I thought of
Eeyore again.
We arrived home at about 8:00pm and the lady caring for
Brenden brought him home. Yes, you could see that
Brenden was not feeling well. He had a bit of a cold but
nothing out of the ordinary. I gave Brenden a dropper of
Tylenol, I had a hot rum, and then took Brenden to bed
with me. It was so peaceful falling asleep with my
Littleboo beside me while I thought about the wonderful
Christmas ahead. The laughter, the sharing, the love of
giving. I thought of Eeyore again and fell asleep.
I was woke up at 12:30am by Brenden's mother who told me
she thought Brenden was in trouble and maybe she should
call 911. I asked what was wrong with him and she told
me he was having a hard time breathing and he had gotten
out of bed to come out and ask her for help. I could see
he was not feeling well but said I did not think we
should call 911 since I would take him to the hospital.
I thought he would be fine for the twenty minute trip to
the hospital...I was wrong. Making this decision to take
Brenden with me alone, since Brenden's mom had to stay
with the house residents, left me in a very bad position
and helpless. Had Brenden's mother came with me on this
trip I would have administered CPR to keep the oxygen in
the body. However, I had no one to drive for me on this
early morning trip and just had to make a mad dash for
the hospital but not be crazy and go off the road. I did
not make it in time to save Brenden's life and it is the
worst decision I have ever made and the worst time in my
entire life. It is a time I wish I could bring back and
change. But, I can't and must live with it everyday.
I held Brenden's hand while the nurses and doctors
worked on Brenden in the hospital to try to get him to
breathe again but, I felt my son was slipping away...I
felt helpless. My heart was being broken piece by piece
as father and son were being separated in this world. I
was hurt so bad inside I felt like giving up my own life
just so that I could be with my Littleboo who had left
this world. I knew this was not going to happen, I just
felt this way. This was the worst day in my life.
However, I knew when it was done I had to face the next
day with all the strength inside me. Others were
depending on me.
On this next day I knew I had to celebrate Brenden's
life for who he really was and for his sharing of gifts
only he had to give. For the next five days after his
passing I drove myself so hard to do what I believed
needed to be done. I wrote a poem called, "Just a
Littleboo," and Brenden's Celebration of Life was filled
with his favorite, video Shrek, songs, toys, pictures,
Tigawac, and his accomplishments in his short but full life. I
collapsed on the day shortly after the Brenden's
Celebration of Life and had to be taken to the hospital.
I took me two weeks to make somewhat of a comeback.
My Littleboo was gone but Christmas was still coming.
The wonderful, joyful Christmas I had pictured before
was different now. Now, what do I do I asked myself?
Everything in my life has changed. Somehow I found in in
myself to see that even thought I had lost someone so
special to me, I had others who were also so special too.
Ian and Wes loved Brenden so much and loved their
father. They too, were hurting so badly inside, missing
Brenden and worried about their father. I needed to be
strong and we needed to have Christmas, to love and to
try to laugh. We were together. Yes, it was Christmas.
One which I will never forget.
I was really out of this world for the next four or five
months. I did not know where to go from where I was at.
It was just too big of a question. However, I found
something which began to help me make those changes. I
began Brenden's memorial website called,
www.littleboo.ca.
From beginning this site I was able to begin growing out
of the pain I was in. I began receiving and welcoming
the gifts which Brenden loved to share with myself and
others. This website still exists today and always will
as long as I am able to maintain it. This site grows
continuously just as Brenden would have grown here and
is growing where he is now. The website is not a sad
one. It is a Celebration of Brenden's Life and all of which
he shared with us. When I work on this site today I
feel my Littleboo with me, I feel his sharing of love.
I love you Brenden and we will be together again
someday, fixing things. I'll have a really big hug for
you. I miss you so much but I know you are sharing your
love with others as you shared your love with us. After
all, you are just a Littleboo with a job to do. And just
the cutest, cutest, cutest, Littleboo.
You have all my love forever Littleboo...Dadda
Littleboo.ca
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